Depending on how stressful your life is, you have two fundamental ways to respond to it. You can either listen to criticism or have compassion and be kind to yourself.
“Self-compassion is a gift available to anyone willing to open up to themselves. When we develop the habit of self-kindness, suffering becomes an opportunity to experience love and tenderness from within. No matter how difficult things get, we can always wrap our torn and tattered selves in our own soft embrace. We can soothe and comfort our own pain, just as a child is soothed and comforted by her mother’s arms. We don’t have to wait until we are perfect, until life goes exactly as we want it to. We don’t need others to respond with care and compassion in order to feel worthy of love. We don’t need to look outside ourselves for the acceptance and security we crave. This is not to say that we don’t need other people. Of course we do. But who is in the best position to know how you really feel underneath that cheerful façade? Who is most likely to know the full extent of the pain and fear you face, to know what you need most? Who is the only person in your life who is available 24/7 to provide you with care and kindness? You.” (Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (p. 60). HarperCollins.)
Sometimes criticism can be so strong that we don’t know when we are being critical. The book “Self-Compassion” by Kristen Neff references a study done on acne sufferers. Sufferers of acne often feel “intense shame and self-judgment.” The study asked participants to write 5 compassionate cue cards expressing understanding and 5 cue cards challenging their inner critic. For example, “I feel upset about my acne, and it’s okay to feel this way” (Compassion), and “It’s not true that people will reject me just because I have acne” (Challenge). They read these cards to themselves 3 times a day, every day, for two weeks. At the end of the study, not only did the feelings of shame and depression lessen, but it also reduced the burning and stinging associated with the acne. By being kind to yourself during stressful times, you can lessen the amount of stress you are experiencing.
